The Top 5 Reasons Why Joffrey is a Complete Bastard

Joffrey Baratheon

If you’re new to the world of Westeros you’ll quickly learn that in the vast parade of characters there are many that you’ll love and some that you’ll love to hate.  Amongst the parade of horrific villains there are none more committed to generally unredeemed bastardry than the Crown Prince (later King) of Westeros, Prince Joffrey Baratheon.

What follows us the top 5 reasons why Joffrey Baratheon is the character you shouldn’t love to hate – you should just flat out loath him. Of course, spoilers follow but I hope it’ll serve as a way to get you interested rather than spoiling the fun

5. He’s probably a psychopath

Season 1 Episode 2 – The Kingsroad

The climax of the first episode features one of the best final five minutes of any pilot episode of any series I can think of and it concludes with the young Bran Stark being flung out of a window, left with a shattered spine.  Joffrey’s response is a witheringly disdainful moan that he ‘can’t stand the wailing of women,’ to which his uncle’s response is to literally try and slap some empathy into him.  Even then, all Tyrion can achieve is to get Joffrey to pretend to care. I’m not expert in this kind of thing but if you can’t muster up any sympathy for a child about to die without someone slapping you in the face then you might well be someone who is a complete piece of shit.

(Once your familiar with Joffrey and his horrific behaviour watching this becomes one of the best ways to spend 10 minutes of your time)

4. He’s a coward, a bully and a misogynist

Season 1 Episode 2 – The Kingsroad

After beginning his, frankly creepy, courtship of Sansa Stark the two come across Sansa’s younger sister Arya. She is hanging out with her friend Mycah and the two are “sword fighting” with sticks. So, how would a normal, non-bastard type person deal with this? Maybe make a little joke and carry on walking with your betrothed? Of course this isn’t what Joffrey does – Joffrey takes out his sword and promises that he won’t hurt him – much. After slicing the poor boys face, Arya (who is just awesome by the way) decides to absolutely batter Joffrey with her stick. Joffrey’s reaction is to threaten to ‘gut the little c**t’ and it’s only the intervention of Ayra dire-wolf that saves her from being murdered. Lying on the ground with a bloody hand Arya takes his sword and Joffrey collapses into terrified tears. A coward, a bully and a sexist – it’s the trinity of douche-baggery.

(Oh and for further evidence that this is a pattern just wait till you’ve seen what happens to Ros and Daisy in the episode Garden of Bones…it’s just horrific)

3. He enjoys hurting people WAY too much

Too many episodes to list

Whether he’s watching a tourney or listening to a minstrel it’s clear that somewhere in Joffrey’s twisted little head is a massive sadistic streak. He tries to drown people, he has people beheaded, torn apart and he shoots at the poor with a crossbow. He even orders children to be executed in order to stop some gossip. Just like his ancestor Aeyres he thinks he can do whatever he wants. Watch the way he tramples over people and treats them as disposable playthings to torment and you’ll be DESPERATE to see him get his comeuppance.

2. Ned Stark

Season 1

If there is any single lesson from the first season of Game of Thrones, it’s this – good people DO NOT get happy endings. Lord Eddard Stark (Sean Bean) is probably the best person in the whole ensemble cast; loyal, morally upstanding and always trying to do the right thing. When he (SPOILERS) discovers that Joffrey is illegitimate he tries to have JOffrey and his mother arrested. Betrayed, he’s imprisoned and sentenced to death. Brought before a mob, Stark pleads for his life, and everyone (Sansa Stark, Cersei Lannister) expects Eddard Stark to be spared and exiled. Playing with the crowd, Joffrey insults his mother and his wife-to-be by saying they have the weak hearts of women. Then, clearly enjoying himself, he calls for Ned Starks head. In front of the crowd and the utterly crushed Sansa, Ned Stark is murdered. Joffrey looks happy, but he starts a war here. Mean, yes, and also really stupid.

1. Sansa Stark

EVERY EPISODE

Sansa Stark is possible the hardest done by of George RR Martin’s character’s. Besotted with Joffrey she helps arrange their engagement. And then?

Then it all goes wrong…

He’s violent, beating her, threatening to have her shot, threatening to have her murdered. Everything Joffrey does is designed to break her spirit and make himself feel powerful. When he causes a city wide riot through his own stupidity he abandons her to the mob showing that he just doesn’t care about her. He uses her, he hurts her and he hates her. As Tyrion puts it, “We’ve had vicious kings, and we’ve had idiot kings…but I don’t know if we’ve ever been cursed with a vicious idiot for a king!”

God, I hate him…